My name is Danielle, and I am a Tamlin Apologist (an ACOTAR re-read)

 Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery, right?

I will not feel bad for loving you Tamlin, and not just because you're super hot.

Problem is, I don't really hate Tamlin, not like I'm apparently supposed to, and certainly like I felt like I should (and sort of did) after witnessing his total 180 (or retcon, tomato tomahto) in ACOMAF.  I changed my tune pretty quickly though when 1). I saw what a bleating, whiny, overpowered cunt Feyre became as you progressed through the series, and 2). I couldn't help but feel bad the more everyone in the vaunted inner circle started shitting on him, and not only shitting on him, but like actually enjoying shitting on him.

The issue that really rubs me the wrong way is sort of twofold:

1. I did NOT appreciate the deepfake SJM pulled with the love interests.  At that point I had very much already decided that Tamlin was my new book boyfriend, because the whole Beauty and the Beast thing is sort of my catnip.
2. The more I thought about, and the more I payed attention to Tamlin's behavior (from Under the Mountain through ACOMAF), the more I saw that he was hurting just as badly as Feyre, but dealing with it in a wholly different way.

So in any case, this is my first "re-read" of the series since I originally read them way back in 2019 I think?  Re-read in quotes because I'm listening on audiobook on my daily commute.  I've been listening specifically for hints that SJM may have dropped as to Tamlin's "true nature", and outside of several mentions of his temper, I'm not really seeing anything.  I'm juxtaposing this with Feyre's first meeting with Rhys (mostly because I literally just listened to that this morning so it's fresh in my mind) and I can see now that there was something, an attraction at least, even then.  I don't think, given even this small scene at this point, that SJM just suddenly decided to make Rhys the hero and Tamlin the bad guy in book 2; I think she was planning on Rhys stepping into that role all along, and it's fairly obvious that she was laying that groundwork.  What she did a shitty, lazy job on (at least from a reader's perspective at this point, as technically the series is still unfinished and Tamlin's ultimate fate still malleable) was explaining away Tamlin's behavior in book 2 as "well he's just an asshole" instead of "he's a guy dealing with some serious shit and doing a really bad job of it and goddammit someone please help him).  Feyre is our heroine, so presumably we're supposed to agree with her most of the time and find her motivations believable, and if we're supposed to believe that she really loves Tamlin because he is actually a really decent guy underneath that gruff, beastly exterior (just like the Disney cartoon).

Building off that, if you ask me, thus far all I know of Tamlin (I'm just past Calanmai) is that he had a shitty childhood, absolutely zero familial support, and nobody paid enough attention to him to even tell him that maybe acting like a wild animal most of the time isn't so good?  So basically it's kind of all he knows; this fits in with the whole "beast" aspect of his story.  We've also seen enough at this point (his thoughtfulness with encouraging Feyre's painting, the way he cared for the wingless fairy, etc) to see that there is a much gentler aspect to his personality, underneath the exterior gruffness (much like the eventual redemption of the beast).  

There are definitely shadows of his eventual overprotectiveness, especially with him telling Feyre to lock herself in her room at Calanmai, but still, he's telling her, not forcing her as he does in the next book.  I guess some would say that even something like that is unforgiveable, but I can't fault a guy for being overprotective, especially when she decides to leave anyway and almost gets sexually assaulted by those fairies.  He also knew what the magic of this night did to him, and I'm guessing didn't want to risk hurting her.  Of course, he could have just told her about this.  It's not like there's really any point in protecting her delicate human sensibilities given that she's in Prythian for life at this stage.  I always assumed (I forget at this point if/when it's stated outright) that Tam never explains the whole curse/mask/blight thing in detail because the curse itself doesn't actually allow him to, but there's no reason that he can't talk in detail about stuff like this.  Was he embarrassed?  Did he not want to risk offending Feyre (and thus ruining his courtship of her and his chance to break the curse) or does he just not think to talk to her about stuff like this.  I think ACOMAF Tam leads the reader to believe that he's just a secretive misogynistic asshole that doesn't want to trouble Feyre's delicate female brain with the complexities of Calanmai, but I counter that with the fact that he's revealed plenty of his past and life at this point that someone who was otherwise a secretive asshole probably wouldn't have done.  

Oh, he's just being a manipulative asshole who's trying to woo Feyre for his own benefit (getting that mask off his face), you say?  To that I counter with that at this stage in the story he quite obviously cares for his people - he says it plenty, and demonstrates it with his care in tending his borders and particularly with the way he cared for that blue fairy.  I know all of this can be interpreted as him really laying it on thick so Feyre falls for him, but if he was really concerned about that I don't think he would have slipped the way he did the night of Calanmai.

At this point in the story, other than be gruff and standoffish at times, Tamlin hasn't yet done anything really objectionable.  You CANNOT count the Calanmai bite/fairy hickey because first, he warned her and fey have already been portrayed as animalistic on some level, and second, she admitted to herself that she did enjoy it more than a little bit.

I'm really looking forward to revisiting the Under the Mountain stuff to look for things I might have missed the first time or forgotten.

Lastly, That’s not to say that I think his behavior is acceptable or that it can be explained away like Rhys’s, rather that he’s not some mindlessly cruel beast, and that while he has issues and definitely needs help, A) so does Rhys and B) he meant well in his own way. The wrong thing done for the right reasons is still the wrong thing, you know? 

I am determined to not feel guilty for my Tamlin love and my exceedingly strong desire for a redemption arc and happy ending for him. I mean if Rhys can be a total fucking’ creeper and still find true love surely Tam can too. 

Where nothing is what you think it is (ACOMAF Re-read, Chapters 1-15)

 

Ianthe and Tamlin

I wonder how many people started ACOMAF after ACOTAR and were like "wtf is going on?"  Literally nobody behaves the way they did in book 1.  Feyre becomes a meek doormat, Tamlin goes full tin foil hat, and Rhys is suddenly nice.

Speaking of our boy Tam - he's not doing me any favors in this book when it comes to trying to prove he's not really a douche.  A cursory surface read just shows him as a possessive overprotective asshat, but I really don't think it's coming from a mean place.  He's obviously taken his role as protector to a completely inappropriate place.  That's really the main sticking point for me with how the fandom reacts to Tam (and the whole Tamlin the Tool) thing - like he's not doing this to be an asshole.  He's not right, and he doesn't listen to Feyre when she expresses how he's smothering her, but it is coming from a place of love.  

Love can get obsessive.  Love can hurt.  And oftentimes you really can't hurt or be hurt by someone unless you love them (otherwise why would it bother you?).  I think when you get down to it, the way he tries to protect Feyre, the way he obsesses over protecting her (homeboy freaks out and spends hours as a beast just to feel like he can protect her better), is just sad.  It's like Feyre is the only thing that matters in his life so she must be kept safe at all costs.  It's pathetic and sad that he's so lonely that he literally feels like he'll have nothing left if anything happens to her.  I've kind of felt like that at some points in my life - it's like that obsessive feeling you get with a new relationship, when all you can think of is that person - and to be dumped before that can wear off (it always wears off) is like having a limb cut off.

Happily Ever After...for now (an ACOTAR re-read)

Some day your prince(ss) will come, Tam.

 

So I finally made it to the end.  There are a couple of big points that I wanted to note (thank the Cauldron for Audible's bookmark feature.  FYI the OCD part of me is probably going to go back and mark everything in my Kindle that I missed first go around, because I'm insane):

Hindsight is 20/20 (an ACOTAR re-read Chapters 27-36)

 This book is doing nothing to convince me that Tamlin really was a shit from the jump, as so many who jumped to Team Rhys would like one to believe.

Don't get me wrong, the breadcrumbs are definitely there if you look/listen for them, but really all I'm learning on this go-around is that it seems like Tam really never had a chance at all.  I learned that quite a bit with the exposition on Tam's past from Alys.  

He was raised by a shitty father who encouraged his violence and shit on his fiddle playing dreams, had shittier brothers who wanted to murder him for having the genetic misfortune to be stronger than them, and still he found it in him to be the best man he could.  He was by all accounts a good, even somewhat progressive high lord.  He put effort in to being as different as he could from him.  

Feyre certainly loved him to do what she did, and Tamlin obviously loved her, because he wouldn't have taken such a turn as he did if she meant nothing to him.  Despite being arrogant (and I think all high fae are to some degree), he's not unwilling to debase himself and literally beg Rhys to not tell Amarantha about Feyre, despite his history with Rhys, which would you lead you to believe that a guy like Tamlin (and certainly a guy like he eventually becomes) would be totally unwilling to do.

Tamlin didn't keep secrets from Feyre at this point except where he required to according to the magic of the curse.

So I'm not really seeing, outside of his temper, all the signs of him always being the controlling misogynist he becomes in the rest of the series.

Rather he seems like a guy that's been trying for a long time and not getting anywhere, has some level of low self esteem (to give up and think that nobody could actually love him enough to break the curse and to still be willing to tell that person, a human, that he loves her), and is just tired and wants to give up.  

I've seen a lot of people point out the fact that Rhys was strong enough to keep going, even after fifty years of abuse, and Tam just gave up.  So yeah, he gave up 🤷🤷🤷.  He shut down, as is evidenced time and time again under the mountain.  So what? Not all of us are strong enough to keep fighting; I don't think that means that he never really loved Feyre or really appreciated her enough to fight for her.  He's a different guy, so he deals with things differently than someone like Rhys.  

He did send her away to keep her safe, even though he had three days left in which Feyre could very well have said the words that would have freed them all. So yeah, he might have essentially sacrificed his court to protect just Feyre, but Rhys does no better later on.  I'd posit that Tamlin just loves differently than Rhys, and eventually not in the way Feyre needs, but certainly not any less in his mind.

Is one really better than the other?